My life was very upbeat and positive. I was not thinking about HIV
and the affects that it has on a person. I knew it was out there but
did not think that it would happen to me. I am a 34-year-old African
American professional woman. Divorced with 2 children, a 13-year-old
daughter and an 11-year-old son.
It seem as though I had everything. What was missing was that someone
special to share my life with, I was dating and met this man that
appeared to care for me and we dated for a few months. Things started
to go downhill and we stop seeing each other. We had unprotected sex
once and I did not think he would be HIV positive, but he was. I didn't
find out until 7 months later when I was feeling ill and went to the
doctor. My lymph nodes had been swollen for months and I was tired
all the time.
I was in a relationship with the man of my dreams. He was tall, dark
and handsome. A college educated man that was an Electro Mechanical
Engineer. I was head over heels in love and wanted to share my life
with him.
My life changed when I received that call from my Doctor. She said
that she wanted to see me in her office. I was in the office 2 weeks
prior and had blood and urine samples taken. Nothing could prepare
me for what she was about to tell me. She sat me down and said that
my test came back positive for HIV. I was in shock to a point but
the research I had done on the Internet had already lead me to believe
that I was positive.
I sat there and didn't know what to say. All I could think about
were my kids and the man that I loved. How was I going to tell them
this devastating news? My other thought was how long will I live.
This is a death sentence.
I left the exam room and went to the waiting room where my boyfriend
stood. He asked, "What did the doctor say?" I lied and said,
they have to run some more test and I will know in a few weeks.
We left the office and drove home. All I could see in my head was
in Neon lights HIV. I sat quiet and my boyfriend suggested that I
go do something for myself. Go get my nails done. So I went and the
whole time trying to think of the words to tell him that I am HIV
positive.
When I returned home I had to go to work and I refused to leave without
telling him. I pulled him close to me and looked in his beautiful
brown eyes and said" I have to tell you something" I said
"The doctor told me today that I am HIV positive"
His shoulders dropped and he grabbed me and held he in his arms.
He said "We will get through this" Those words were so calming
to me and yet I was still afraid.
He is HIV negative and he is still by my side and we plan to get
married next year. I thought to myself what did I do to deserve a
man like him.
We decided to tell my children about my illness and they were shocked
and wanted to know if I was going to die. I had met with my HIV doctor
and he explained that my counts were good and that I did not have
to take medication. I told my kids that I will be around for a long
time and long as I take care of myself and eat healthy and exercise.
They are so supportive, always making sure that I eat and rest like
I should. I have good days and bad days. There are days when I am
really depressed about the illness and go into my little shell.
Being diagnosed has changed my life. I am much more outgoing and
more adventurous. I feel that there is a lot of life to live and I
want to make my mark on this world.
I have been diagnosed since January 2006. But I believe I was infected
since May2005.
I recently moved to Illinois from Pennsylvania, I contacted the Chicago
AIDS Hotline and they connected me with the Open Door Clinic. The
staffs at the clinic are like family. From day one they took me in.
My first appointment I met Mary and she asked if I would like to go
out and tell my story. I said yes, I see this as a healing for me
and also a chance to educate other people. It can happen to anyone
of us. HIV and AIDS looks like me. So don't take your safety for granted
and trust other people. Get tested and use protection.
No matter how old or how young, you can be infected.
Thank You
