Nicole
Facing Tomorrow and All That Comes With It

Hi, my name means I can face tomorrow. I am a mother of one child and a daughter of three. I have one older brother and a younger brother. I'm the only girl. I grew up in a stable environment raised by both parents. I was twenty-seven years old when I gave birth to a little girl on September 2, 2002. Her name is an angel from heaven. I am married. During my pregnancy I was tested for STDs and HIV. It all came back negative. Then after I gave birth to my daughter I had the tests done again for everything and it still was negative. That was 2002. Unique was healthy and tested negative for all her tests. A month after my delivery I broke out with hives and it began to get worse. I was diagnosed with a skin problem called psoriasis. I was treated for it with skin cream and a shot. I had gotten into a little trouble and was facing prison time. So I didn't go back to court and a warrant was issued for my arrest. I was on the run for three months. It was three hard months looking over my shoulder, dodging every time I heard sirens. I was locked up still in the free world.

On October 31, 2003, I was arrested. I then was sent to prison. Due to me not receiving the proper medical attention from jail to jail my skin condition became worse. So when I arrived in Dwight, Illinois I was seen by a nurse and was scheduled for the doctor call line. Two weeks went by and the doctor finally saw me. The doctor read my files and asked me about my skin. I answered. Then the doctor recommended that I be tested for HIV-AIDS. So the test was taken. The day before I was getting shipped I was called back to see the doctor for my results. As I walked into the room the doctor spoke and asked how I was doing. I responded OK. The doctor took my paper work out began to look it over. As the doctor looked at it I just asked "God" whatever the situation is just let me be strong whether the news is good or bad. The doctor then looked up at me and said, "It's positive." My mind began racing and my heart felt as though it hit rock bottom. I was speechless. As the doctor stared at me he began asking me if I was all right and I just shook my head, nodding yes. My body felt as if everything just shut down. I was hurting in all angles, my mind, body and soul. He then signed the paper stating that he told me. He let me know my paperwork will follow me to my next destination and a doctor would see me. So as I walked out the building and on my way back to my cell, I just was thinking of the only two men that I was sexually active with, knowing I never used needles or straws. I received it through sexual intercourse with a male partner. I was sent to do Decatur Correctional Center where the doctor started me on Sustiva and Combivir.

My count was very low. Four months went by as I took my medicine I was called back for blood work and my results came back undetectable and my counts were increasing. The doctor looked at me and said, you're normal like me and I began to smile. Then he replied just continue taking your medication and you can live a healthy life. Just because you have HIV it's not the end of the world. Tears began to roll down my face because all I could think about was my worldly behavior. Things of the world: those fancy clothes, cars, money and houses. Hanging out with the crowds and those crowds I though were my friends. All that time I was dying on the inside. I didn't even know I had HIV. Being of those worldly things and telling myself that it could never happen to me. HIV doesn't discriminate in any form or fashion. I thought I was looking good and I had everything I needed. Yes, as a person that I am, yeah. I was mind struck with everything else. Had I not got incarcerated I would never had known I was HIV positive. It was my higher power that took away those people, places and things.

I have been HIV positive for three years. It's not easy and it's not hard either. I have accepted it. I'm taking my medicine and I'm still undetectable and my counts are normal. My daughter is healthy and will be four years old soon. I have a family of support and encouragement from day to day. I attend meetings and group sessions with different ladies to encourage one another to face another day all that comes with it. There will be a cure for HIV and I must keep HOPE alive. I tell anyone, don't wait too late to get tested. I don't want anyone to make the same mistake as I have. Through this I can hold my head up high and stay strong to face tomorrow and all that comes along. Be safe and get tested for yourself, if for no one else. HIV has no discrimination of which person it infects next. HIV is bold.

This is my story. I can face tomorrow and all it holds.

Would you like to comment on this story?