MDM
MDM

Wow, I was going to have the chance to operate my own store in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. My company was sending me to this city of "relaxed" morals; what a place for me to restart my life. After 2 ½ years of intense counseling, I had recently separated from my wife of 14 years. I had returned to the gay lifestyle 3 years earlier, it was time to move on. I was not helping my family; I was more of a hindrance. Before I left Detroit, I had the test for HIV. My results came back negative and I gave a big sigh of relief.

So off I flew to the South. I knew that Ft. Lauderdale would be different but what a difference. It was truly an "open" city. Sex was offered in bars, beaches, and parks. Anonymous sex is very easy, not commitment, no love, no emotion, just pure sex. I was able to have sex almost anytime I wanted it. Most people will not believe I have been with over 5,000 men in the last 8 years but it is true. It was easy both in Ft. Lauderdale and Orlando. It was almost always unprotected sex, with no thought of tomorrow. I felt like most men, "It won't happen to me". I was very wrong.

"It" happened to me 2 days after my 52nd birthday. I certainly wasn't shocked, but it was still very difficult to accept. I was just ending a 2-year relationship, and it hit me hard. My almost "ex" M was great helping me to deal with these very trying times.

I knew that life would not be the same and I was right. After my break-up I moved to Orlando, Florida with 3 great guys. I began to learn what it was like to live with HIV. Doctors, clinics, medicines, new words were all part of this new world. Although I was still enjoying myself sexually, I was finding that more men were rejecting me more often. I have never kept the fact that I am positive from anyone, as some men do. For the next year and a half, I was relatively healthy, taking my meds and doing what my doctors told me.

Then 2005 began. The year started out on a positive note (no pun intended). I got a job at a major theme park. This was short-lived. I began having trouble sleeping. I was weak and tired all the time and I had trouble concentrating. Then I passed out twice on the job and was taken to the hospital, not good for customer relations. I eventually had to quit my job. I went to 3 hospitals before I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I also learned I had suffered 5 minor heart attacks. So I added more meds to my daily routine. I learned that I was allergic to one of them. I developed a horrible rash and was deathly ill; back to the hospital. My doctors advised me not to try to go back to work again.

So once again I was out of work, with no money. I had to leave my friends and my house with the pool and hot tub. My good friend, Ric, drove all my belongings and me to my hometown, Aurora, Illinois and my mom. The day before I left, I developed a fever; a bad rash and I began to bloat all over my body. Ric was great. He took care of me all the way up. Only 20 minutes after arriving in Aurora, I was in the emergency room diagnosed with kidney failure. I battled this in the hospital for 2 weeks. And of course more pills.

For the rest of this year I have battled with changing medications, hospitals, clinics, allergic reactions, loneliness, depression, rejection from my peers, being jobless and dependent on my family. If I had not contracted HIV, I would still be living in Florida, enjoying a freer life and hanging out with my friends in the sun. I wouldn't be a 54-year-old jobless man living with his mother. I have lost my home, jobs, friends, and possible relationships because I was careless.

Would I go back and change my life choices? In a heartbeat. My sexual activity would have been less and I would have made sure condoms were always used. HIV/AIDS have changed my life. I am thankful that there have been so many medical advances made. It is possible for me to live a longer, fuller life. I may still get to see my youngest daughter graduate from high school and my oldest finish college. I have a chance, thanks to doctors, medicines, loving family and friends.

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