My name is Leon, I would like to share the story that might be similar
to other people who might be in the same situation, people who immigrate
to this great nation, that
opens the door for many opportunities.
I arrived to USA 22 years ago; I remember that September 11th 1982,
when I first met some friends who let me live with them in Carol Stream.
My first job as a busboy in a busy restaurant gave me the opportunity
to interact with a lot of people and gain experience on interacting
with the public.
Eventually I moved to the City of Chicago where I worked as a waiter
in another restaurant. I met new friends mostly Puerto Ricans whose
culture was very different to mine, and who introduced me into the
world of the gay bars. I had just celebrated my 21st Birthday and
the bars where just the right place for a young guy to start a new
experience, and the right place where I could throw my frustrations,
anxiety, and fear behind a false door "The world of drugs and
alcohol" that is like a serpent that you don't feel it and slides
softly and when you don't expect it bites you and hurts you.
Alcohol that mix with sweet juices, fruits and other beverages tastes
really good and is easy to get, it makes life easy when people are
under the influence of it. But the consequences of its consumption
are most of the time irremediable. We all look for the good taste
of alcohol and fun but eventually it wraps us into destruction, not
only physically but also economically and socially. We, the people
who consume alcohol look for fun and good taste of it, even thought
it would end in our own destruction.
Many people could say it was my destiny, but now I see a clear vision
that we built our own destiny. I remember when I took the decision
to leave home and to go away from the greatest and truth love "My
Mother" who beg me not leave and who said as I was leaving "You
will always be my precious child and I want you to take me always
in your mind and Heart as I will" I didn't exactly understood
what she meant, at that time I was a crazy and ignorant young boy
who just wanted to live an discover what life had for me in the United
States.
I did continued with my ignorance and thought that being popular
in the bars, being happy and preferred by men all the time was the
only obsession that was important to me.
In 1983 I first heard of rumors about a disease that was killing gays,
I was indestructible that couldn't happen to me I was young, popular
and men wanted me "that disease was happening to somebody else"
I thought. I keep living that lifestyle until 1989 when I was diagnosed
with HIV. I lived in denial for many years and my consumption of alcohol
and other drugs was even worst. I don't blame anybody for what had
happened to me but I didn't have the support or information that I
had to have. I was still ignorant and afraid to tell anyone about
my HIV status, I felt ashamed, dirty and afraid that my family or
friends would find out. "I got infected in the most powerful
country of the world" how is it possible? Was my question for
a long time. I had many problems after my diagnosis due to my irresponsibility
and consumption of alcohol, I had problems with the police, DUI tickets,
deep depression, and lost my job. I end up in the hospital with liver
problems and a much deteriorated immune system. I can't drive, as
a result of my behavior; I end up with diabetes, cholesterol, cirrhosis,
and high viral load, and probably the worst of all I don't have someone
who is on my side to comfort me or at least give me a hug or just
a little love. Now I understand the words of my mother and their meaning
too late but I keep them in the deepest of my heart "You are
my precious child and you will always be in my mind and heart".
I want to make changes in my life, perhaps with this paragraphs some
one who is going through the same experience might change his/her
life by reading this. I would like to turn the negative experience
in something that people can reflect themselves and prevent them to
get where I end up. On the other hand I am back to school and taking
care of myself as much as I can.
Thanks to Open Door Clinic for being the ones who I can get that
love that I am wishing for.
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