Josefina
"Josefina"

My name is Josefina a Latino woman who was born and raised in a central state of Mexico, I was the 3rd of 11 children. Even thought, we were very poor we had a happy
life. I always felt joyful to see my mother and father together raising their children with great audacity. The oldest children had to help in the house and cornfield after school, and also helped mom with the youngest children. Due to the lack of money, I could not continue school and just finished 6th grade.

I continued helping my parents to the every day activities, even thought my parents couldn't afford to send me to school they taught me how to work, and respect people, one of the fascinating things that I learned was the appreciation that we had to show to God, even in adverse times. I remember in Christmas we didn't even have a piñata to play, which is traditional during the Christmas season in Mexico, but we had the warm and love of my brothers and sisters, we didn't have sparkling lights, but we had the stars on the sky, we didn't have so many things but we had the love of God, reflected in the love that my parents were giving us.

Latino culture is about family, language, believes, religion, costumes, love which I am devoted for. The most important of all these characteristics for Latinos is respect, Respect to God first, respect to our parents, respect to older people, boss, and so on. Women are expected to be respectful and have the traditional role of the abnegate woman who takes care of her husband, children and house. I was raised that way and did not know any other way.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and got married when I turned 19 years old, and quickly became pregnant we were together for a year and he had to immigrate to United States to better our economical situation, I felt lonely when he left, but that was a sacrifice that we had to go through to improve our life.

My husband spent a year in USA and returned to Mexico but, there was something different about him, the attention and love that was present at the time of our marriage was not there anymore, it seemed that he was another person. He started drinking to celebrate his return with friends, and came back home drunk and violent, the first time he beat me I felt so humiliated and unprotected that I did not know what to do. I did not want my family to know that this was happening, and didn't want to get them involved in my personal problems; on the other hand, I was confused because I always was taught to show respect, help and be loyal to my husband, but this was not reciprocal. I had never experience anything like this I was always loved, not harmed.

When he went back to USA I felt relief and happy but sad at the same time, there were different feelings that I could not understand, I felt love but hate at same time. I was pregnant again I gave birth to my second child a few months before he came back again from the United States. My husband always sent money to support his family, but even thought now we had a better financial situation happiness was not there, on the other hand, we were not complete as a family and when he was with us we were not happy.

He returned the following year and it was happiness the first week, but a few days later he would start drinking again and beat me again, he got to the point that he would walk in front of me with other women.
I did not know what to do at that time, because he threat me to harm my family if I said something, I was afraid, but I knew that it was just a few weeks and he will leave again.
That cycle was repeated for many years but with 6 children and no school and living in a third world country my options were not many. I did work as a house keeper but I knew that even if I worked seven days a week I was not going to be able to support my family so I had to rely on my husband for financial support.

In 1999 when he returned home was different, physically and emotionally, I notice that he lost a lot of weight and was very weak. I suspected about AIDS but it was a thought that terrify me. I asked him to get the test anyway and he told me that I was crazy and he would never be infected with that horrible disease.

His health got worse and I took him to the doctor, he recommended the HIV test and his result was positive, I was petrified because that meant that I could be also infected, the most horrible feeling was to think that my children could be infected too. I felt that the whole world was falling on me, but I had so much hope and faith in God and prayed for my children, I ask him to save my children; I would do anything but please save my children!
God is good, and answer my prayer my children got tested and all of them are negative..
My result was different, I got a positive result. I felt sad but at the same time grateful with God because he had saved my children I know that there is a reason for everything that happen in our lives and God uses our experience for something good.

The Lord heard my prayers; He is good he saved my children from this horrible virus,
I remember what my parents taught me about Love and respect, and now know that God showed me that through his love. I do not hate my husband, who died in 1999 four months after his was diagnosed, I remember just the good moments and try to forget the bad experiences is not easy but with the help of God I can do it.

I was a widow with HIV six children, and with no school, my only choice as many people in hometown was to immigrate to United States. I arrived to this country 6 years ago, I looked for help and found Open Door Clinic that has been the medical and emotional support during this 6 years, yes I have met many people and many cultures, in this country and now more than ever I really appreciate the way I was raised, I might not have a professional education, nor have a nice house, nor have the greatest health.
But when I see the stars on the sky I know that I have the greatest and incomparable gift of all "The Love of God."

Thanks to Open Door Clinic for helping me in all aspects of my life, for the gift of life and for teach me and give me the valor to talk with my family about the facts of my HIV status and reduce the stigma at least with the circle of people who are close to me.

I hope that when other women read my story who are suffering domestic violence and abuse this story help them to think about their safety and the safety of their children. There is help and hope, look for it, don't let this killing virus enter your home.

Josefina

Mi nombre es Josefina, una una mujer Latina que nacio y crecio en un estado central de Mexico, fui la tercera de 11 hermanos y hermanas, aunque eramos una familia muy pobre eramos felices. Siempre me senti contenta y orgullosa de ver como mis padres luchaban con audacia por sacar adelante a nuestra familia. Los hijos mayores teniamos que ayudar con los quehaceres domesticos y el trabajo en el campo despues de ir a la escuela, tambien teniamos que ayudar con el cuidado de los hermanos menores. Debido a la escaces de dinero no pude continuar estudiando y solamente termine el sexto grado.

Continue ayudando a mis padres en las actividades diarias, aunque mis padres no pudieron darme los estudios que ellos hubieran deseado, ellos me ensenaron a trabajar, a respetar a la gente, y lo mas importante y facinante que aprendi de mis padres fue el ser agradecida con dios aun en las situaciones mas adversas. Recuerdo una navidad, que no teniamos ni siquiera una piñata para jugar, la cual es una tradicion en Mexico en tiempo de navidad, pero teniamos el amor y calor familiar, no teniamos lucecitas navidenas pero teniamos las estrellas del cielo, no teniamos muchas cosas materiales pero teniamos el amor de Dios, reflejado en el amor que nuestros padres nos brindaban

La cultura Latina abarca e integra a; la familia, el idioma, la religion, nuestras costumbres y creencias las cuales amo y extrano. Lo mas importante de todas estas caracteristicas para nosotros los Latinos es el respeto, primeramente a Dios, a nuestros padres, a la gente adulta o mayor, a nuestros patrones etc. Las mujeres, ademas de ser respetuosa, obtienen el rol tradicional de la mujer abnegada que cuida a su esposo, hijos y casa. Yo fui creada de esa manera y para mi ese era mi mundo y no sabia nada fuera de ese contorno.
Conoci a mi novio a la edad de 18 y me case cuando cumpli 19 anos, me embarace muy pronto y despues de que nacio el primer bebe, mi esposo emigro a los Estados Unidos para mejorar nuestra situacion economica. Me senti sola cuando el se fue, pero era un sacrificio que teniamos que sufrir para mejorar nuestras vidas.

Mi esposo regreso a nuestro pais al siguiente ano, pero habia algo diferente en el , la atencion y amor que estaba presente en un tiempo atras o cuando nos casamos, habia desaparecido, parecia otra persona. El comenzo a beber con amigos para celebrar su regreso de los Estados Unidos, regresando a la casa borracho y violento, la primera vez que el me golpeo me senti tan humillada y desprotegida que realmente no sabia que hacer, no queria que mi familia se enterara que esto estaba pasando y no los queria envolver en mis problemas personales, por otro lado, estaba confundida, porque siempre se me enseno a respetar, ayudar y ser fiel a mi esposo, pero esto no era reciproco. Yo nunca habia experimentado una experiencia tan mala, siempre fui amada no lastimada.

Cuando el regreso a los Estados Unidos senti alivio y contenta pero al mismo tiempo tristeza, habia sentimientos encontrados que no entendia, sentia amor y odio al mismo tiempo, y ademas estaba otravez embarazada, di a luz a mi Segundo bebe unos meses antes de que el regresara de los Estados Unidos. Mi esposo siempre mando dinero para mantener a su familia, pero aunque teniamos una mejor situacion economica, no teniamos la felicidad estaba muy lejos de nosotros, ya que no eramos una familia completa ya que el no estaba con nosotros y cuando estaba no queriamos que estuviera.

El regreso al siguiente ano y era uan gran alegria al principio, pero a los pocos dias, comenzaba a beber otra vez y golpearme nuevamente, llego al punto de caminar con diferentes mujeres enfrente de mi, realmente no sabia que hacer ya que el me amenazaba con lastimar a mi familia si decia algo. Tenia mucho miedo, pero sabia que solamente eran unas semanas y se iria de nuevo al norte.
Este ciclo se repitio por muchos anos, con 6 ninos, sin estudios y viviendo en un pais tercermundista mis opciones no eran muchas. Trabaje como sirvienta pero sabia que aunque trabajara siete dias a la semana no podria mantener a mi familia, entonces tenia que seguir reciviendo la ayuda financiera que mi esposo nos daba.

En 1999 en uno de sus viajes de regreso a Mexico, lo note diferente, fisicamente y emocionalmente, note que el habia perdido mucho peso y que estaba muy debil. Sospeche sobre la enfermedad del SIDA pero era un pensamiento que me horrorizaba. Le pedi que tomara el examen de cualquier manera, y me dijo que estaba loca y que el no se infectaria de esa horrible enfermedad.

Su salud se empeoro y lo lleve a servicios medicos, el doctor le recomendo tomar el examen de VIH y resulto positivo. Estaba petrificada ya que eso significaba que yo tambien podria estar infectada y el pensamiento mas horrible fue el pensar que alguno de mis hijos estaria infectado tambien. Senti que el mundo, que el mundo se me venia encima, pero tenia la esperanza y mucha fe en Dios y ore por mis hijos, le pedi a Dios que los salvara, haria lo que fuera pero por favor salvalos! Ore.
Dios escucho mis oraciones, el es bueno, el salvo a mis ninos de este virus horrible.
Recuerdo lo que mis padres me ensenaron sobre el Amor y Respeto y ahora me doy cuenta que dios me mostro estas cualidades atravez de su amor.

No odio a mi esposo, quien murio en 1999 cuatro meses despues de su diagnostico de VIH, recuerdo solamente los buenos momentos y trato de olvidar las malas experiencias, no es facil pero con la ayuda de Dios lo puedo hacer.

Siendo una viuda sin estudios con VIH y seis ninos que crear, mi unica opcion, como mucha gente en el pueblo era emigrar a Estados Unidos. Llegue a este pais hace 6 anos, busque ayuda y encontre a Open Door Clinic la cual ha sido mi apoyo emocional y medico durante estos 6 anos, he conocido mucha gente y muchas culturas en este pais y realmente aprecio mas que nunca la manera que fui creada, talvez no tenga una educacion profesional, o no tenga una casa Hermosa, o no tenga una salud optima, pero cuando veo las estrellas del cielo me recuerdan mis lucecitas navidenas y se que tengo lo mas grande e inomparable regalo de todos "El Amor de Dios."

Gracias a Open Door Clinic por ayudarme en todos los aspectos de mi vida, por el regalo de vida, y por ensenarme y darme el animo de hablar con mi familia acerca de my estatus de VIH reducir el estigma que hay sobre esta enfermedad por lo menos con la gente que esta cerca de mi.

Espero que cuando otras mujers lean mi historia y esten sufriendo por violencia domestica y abuso les ayude a pensar en su seguridad y la de sus hijos, hay esperanza y ayuda. busquenla, no dejen a este virus asesino entrar en su hogar.

Josefina.

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