Jay
Legacy Campaign

I'd like to start with a little background about myself. I'm a Gay male, age 53. I have been gay since my early teens. I'm also very secure concerning my sexual orientation. I have a variety of friends both gay and "straight". Also I have friends both HIV Positive and those that are not. This variety is important to me. Both sets of friends keep me grounded in my Faith and most importantly Hope.

I was born and raised in the Mid-West. Rockford, IL. to be exact. I was raised there. My childhood and education were fairly typical for the times. Being gay really wasn't an issue during the "Free Love" generations of the late 50's and 60's. Although at the time I was sexually active, I wasn't as interested in the sex as much as the alcohol. Combining the two was a frequent weekend habit for me. The alcohol became a 30 year habit that almost destroyed me.

After reaching the age of 18, I left my home town for "greener-pastures." I moved to Dayton, Ohio. I moved there on a whim, and alone. I wanted a change of pace. My Dad had been to Dayton for business several times, so I choose Dayton for my journey. There I worked for a national restaurant chain. Eventually I became a trainer and traveled to several other states. There too I also found my first Gay Bar. True to form I became a "Disco-Queen". I also met my first lover there. We were together for a number of years, before I found that He also liked "Greener-Pastures". A pattern that was also to repeat it's self for many years. Having enough heart aches, and a fair amount of cash I moved to Ft. Lauderdale, Fl, by now I was in my late 20s.

There I met a man, fell in love and we remained partners for 18 years. We were both from the mid-west. He was from Aurora, IL. growing tired of the bars, and becoming home sick for families we moved. We chose to move to Aurora IL. His family was there and mine in Rockford. Close enough.

During this time my partner was growing tired of our relationship. He was much younger and wanted more variety in his life than one man. We parted not on the best of terms either. I was totally devastated. I came from an up bringing that put value on relationships.

At this point although not right away I met a young man, and began dating again. We enjoyed each others company very much. The only actual issue is that the young man was HIV positive.
I wasn't afraid of HIV I had lost a dear friend in Florida due to AIDS. This was at a time when this disease was new. People were hysterical in fact. I read all I could about the illness. Yet I still watched my dearest friend be destroyed by an illness no one understood. AZT was an experimental drug at the time.
So I was pretty cock sure of myself dating a man with HIV at a time where there was good health care, a better understanding of the disease, and the fact that He was involved with a local clinic, Open Door. Open Door was to play a large part in my life in the future.

Alcohol has always played a roll in my life. So under the influence of alcohol, I had unsafe sex, with that younger man. We had been dating for more than a year. It was just something that happened, no one goes out and gets HIV. I was frankly drunk, and didn't think or care. This was a passionate moment. I didn't want to lose the fury, and feelings. Why lose the "moment" with protection, or common sense.

I became HIV positive in 1997. My saving "grace" was that I knew of Open Door, Aurora. I've been going to the medical staff, counselors, and have a great case manager. Everything that has happened to change my life, has taken time and work. I'm grateful for the Therapy that I have received. Over time I was guided on a course that helped me take control of the alcoholism. Today I celebrate a year sober. I couldn't have ended a 35 year drinking career, without Perry. He stayed with me despite myself.

My case manager has guided me through many ruff times of self doubt. Assisted me in finding housing, supplemental food programs, at times recommended other care programs available at Open Door.
Although I'm now full blown AIDS I don't feel that it's the death sentence the disease once was. The medical staff and support staff of Open Door give me a sense of hope and strength.

The lesson here of course is to play safe. Drinking and sex is about as smart as drinking and driving. I know there are other ways to transmit this disease. But this route simply doesn't have to be one of them.

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