It all started when I was about 7 years old. I was sexually abused
by my uncle (who is dead now) I guess you want to say incest. It happened
for a long time (as I will explain). I started to drink when I was
13 or 14 years old. I would drink when my parents were out. I would
get in the liquor cabinet and have hard drink, a few drinks while
playing cards. When I was 16-19 years old I started to smoke marijuana,
when I was in high school I started hanging around with the wrong
crowd, then I started skipping school. (getting into trouble). I got
suspended from school as a consequence of my behavior.
At the age of 17 I had a fight with my mother and had to pull a knife
out of the drawer to protect myself and she accused me of being high,
which I was. As a consequence I left mom's home and moved over to
my dad's home. My father was an alcoholic and I provided for all our
family needs. I loved my father so much regardless of the fact that
he was an alcoholic.
At the age of 19 it was time to find a job, which I did, but I always
quit or got fired from different jobs. I was still partying and as
soon as I got paid I spent the money on alcoholic beverages. Because
I was in an economical need I went back to my uncle. I used him, like
he used me. I hooked him with cocaine and money for partying.
At that time I met a nice looking guy, blond hair, blue eyes. At
that time I didn't realize neither what was happening nor that he
an alcoholic as well. As a matter of fact his whole family was alcoholics.
I remember going down south with them to Mississippi and Tennessee
to visit more family members; his uncle owned a junk yard directly
across the street from his house. His uncle was a member of the Klu
Klux Klan who burned his own house to get a new house built for his
wife and daughter; he was a heavy drinker and a very mean man.
No wonder Larry (my boyfriend) had a terrible temper. I stayed in
Tennessee with Larry and never came back from the visit. We both drank
so much and always ended up fighting. I was always the one who ended
up hurt, after being thrown towards the door screen, with black eyes,
and cuts all over my body. Larry always said that he was sorry and
that wouldn't happen again, but it always did. We stayed together
for a while renting a house until one day he decided to leave me for
somebody else. He wanted to go back to Aurora, and my family came
to Tennessee to get me. I stayed in mom's home, after a few months
Larry would call me to come back but I refused and that was the end
of that relationship.
When I was living with mom I met this girl Suzanne who was my sister's
girlfriend, they worked together at Provena Mercy Hospital. Sue and
I had a lot of good time together, eventually she met some one else
and moved to Wisconsin. I started working in a pizza place where I
met a guy with whom I identified myself, eventually I realized that
he had the drinking problem and also he consumed cocaine. My boss
at the pizza place also liked drugs, at this stage I carry drugs all
the time and whenever we wanted to have a snort we had it.
My new friend and I went to visit my friend sue, and her boyfriend
in Wisconsin. During the visit and activities, we all did drugs. We
also had sex in-group when my boyfriend wasn't around, from that time
up to six months we got together to practice the same activities.
The relationship with my new boyfriend lasted over 4 years, we had
a really good time especially when we went to Colorado and Arizona
to visit his friends and family. On the other hand at the end of the
relationship there were a lot of fights. Then I moved in with my sister
and brother and their two kids.
I started a new job at venture in the shoe department. I really liked
my job and eventually I became assistant manager. But my addiction
for alcohol and drugs was still present. I moved out of my sister's
house and into an apartment across from my job. I met a new guy in
the complex apts. I also met a girl who injected cocaine. I was afraid
to try it but I did it and once again I fell into the trap with her
teaching me and soon I became addicted to injected drugs. As a result,
I started missing work and finally broke down.
The store manager from Venture realized that I had a drug problem
and he referred me to a rehabilitation program that I completed with
their help. I was really touched when all my coworkers and people
from my job were waiting for me at my job. I was ok for a few months
but I had a relapse and everything was worse than before. As a result
I lost my job and apartment and ended up on the streets. I would go
on binges, again and again. I would get my money or drugs by hanging
out in the streets being a prostitute. I would have to be drunk to
get in the cars with only one guy at a time, then I got a pimp (he
was white), he watched my back. He got an apartment for me that in
reality was a drug house. I got more involved in drugs, prostitution,
and the only thing I was thinking of when I was sober was going back
to the tavern to get drunk and high again.
I had many problems with the police. I was caught three times by
an undercover police officer. I lost my license and then I was caught
several times driving with a revoked license. I was in rehabilitation
programs again but the need for drugs was stronger than my morals.
I have been in hospitals several times and had a stroke because of
the consumption of alcohol and drugs. Due to my HIV condition now
I am really trying to stay in my rehabilitation program. I got my
own place, I am attending AA meetings, got myself a sponsor. I have
been clean for one year and one month, with god grace and the 1 step
program and my sponsor I would say good bye to alcohol and drugs.
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