Desmond
This is My Life
How I became HIV positive. I met this guy he took me to his house.
I didn't know he call some of his friends over. I was gang rape, also
when I got pregnant with my oldest child I found out that I was HIV
Positive. I was scared to death. I thought this never happen to me.
Boy I was wrong. I had lot of friends that die with AIDS or have
HIV. When I was in Jr. High School we were never taught about AIDS
and HIV. If I would have learned about it then I be helping people
who have HIV and AIDS. I felt so bad about myself because I thought
nobody was going to accept me. I never told my friends about me being
HIV positive. I kept it all bottle up inside for so long. I prayed
to God every night for a cure, but I have to live with it for the
rest of my life. I have a great man. He is the best thing that ever
happened to my kids and me. When I found out I had the virus, I thought
I was going to die but that wasn't the case. When I was pregnant with
my second child they had me on medications from the time I was 2 months
to 9 months and when I gave birth to him. Both of my kids are HIV
negative and I thank God for that. I stopped taking medications in
January 25, 2001 because it was undetectable. I was so happy. It's
been undetectable for 6 years. I thought about killing myself. I said
why not I'm going to die anyway. I took a long hard look in the mirror
and said to myself I can't die I have two kids I have to raise. Also
they're going to be a cure for HIV and AIDS.
I believe in God will have a cure. When I found out
that I was, I was HIV Positive. I was in denial for a whole 3 years
after I had found out that I was HIV Positive I could not sleep or
eat. I said to myself this could not be me every time I look at myself
in the mirror. I cried and cried and was depressed started sitting
in I seen a doctor. He put me on some medication called Zoloft. I
never told anybody why I was so depressed all the time
1. I was HIV Positive
2. The life I was living that shows I got the virus
3. I had a every low self esteem
4. I thought I never find nobody to love me.
5. And I don't have Positive friends to except me being HIV Positive
and not going behind my back talking about me.
The reason why I had not been married because sacred to find a man
that will except me I have never been married a long time ago but
their a God bless me with a man that love me and understand me. I
got wonderful family I have a great case manager that opened their
doors and their heart to you. I think God for them I never had nobody
to care so much about me in Elgin, Illinois. I can't get nowhere else
when I first went to my first group I was sacred but I open up and
started talking about my life was hard when I was growing up by me
being HIV Positive I just kept to myself all the time. I had few friends
I never told none of my friends that I was HIV Positive. I have been
taking care of my self-eating good. I thank God everyday for my health
and being here for my two kids and boyfriend.
I was so glad to get away from New Orleans for I can start going
back to see the doctor. When I was in New Orleans I have not been
to see my doctor in 2 Years before the Hurricane Katrina came to New
Orleans and after that I stop going all together. I think God I move
on with my life. I started going back to my doctor appointments I'm
started caring about my self and health I think for Open Door Clinic
for caring so much about people who is HIV Positive or who have AIDS.
They need more people and Doctors who care about other people. When
I first found out that I was HIV Positive I thought I had AIDS until
I read about it in books and in magazine and ask people about it.
Thank God for people like Open Door Clinics for opening their doors
for people who have HIV and AIDS. Thanks from the bottom of my heart
thanks a lot God Bless you all for being so nice to us keep the good
work guys.
